That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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