i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
