If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
