I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
