i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
