The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
