we're blogging at a bar
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
