sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
