FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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