1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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