id be glad to
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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