Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
