he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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