Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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