How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
