That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
