I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
