life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
