is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
