My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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