I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
