he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
