Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
