Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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