So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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