I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
whose parrot is this?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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