mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
