I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize