I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
