we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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