This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
