Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You can't special order awesome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
