I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
