i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
