Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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