I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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