You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
