i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
