Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
