he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
