I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
