i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
