addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
