3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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