I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
