i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
