i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
