just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
