Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
