Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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