I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
