took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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