Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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