Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You pole danced in your parka.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
