My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
