Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
