When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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