you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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