i don't like sucking hair
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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