craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
