she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
