I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
