Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
