my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am midnight drunk by noon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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