using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
