last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
