Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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