my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
