Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
