Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
