I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
