Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
