I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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