I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
