Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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