Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
