Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
