Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
