i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
