Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
