I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
