We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
