I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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